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TOWARD NOT EATING ANIMALS

2pigs

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2pigs.jpg
By Titanium22

I got sober from drugs and alcohol in 2000. In the process of recovering I realized that from then on spirituality was going to be an important focus of my life—that it had to be, since the connection to a Higher Power was necessary to keep me sober and alive.

I didn’t realize that recovery would connect me to myself as well, to what was really inside me.

During the early part of my recovery I realized that spirituality could be an open field to play on. I grew up around Catholicism and I didn’t feel like it was that way at all when I was young. I realized that my Higher Power could be one of my own understanding—that I had a lot of room to explore.

So I started exploring. One day I was reading a passage written by a Buddhist monk that was addressed to people of the West. I came across this section where he wrote (I’m paraphrasing):

Can you be a spiritual person if you are participating in the cruelty and suffering of animals by eating them?

This is the first time that it really sunk in that there was a possible connection between spirituality and not eating animals.

Months after I read this passage, I was talking with a friend of mine, and she mentioned that she had become a vegetarian. When I asked what had sparked her conversion, she said it was her cat. Her cat? Yes, she couldn’t look at her cat after eating a plate of meat. She felt guilty.

I thought about my own cats. Through my drinking years, my cats were probably my one shred of connection with anything remotely spiritual. I adopted my cats Bandit and Hooper in 1995.

Bandit on the left, Hooper on the right.

Bandit on the left, Hooper on the right.

Girlfriends came and went, guy friends came and went, cars came and went crashing, my job came… and almost went three times, because I showed up to work drunk or didn’t bother showing up at all.

The one constant was the drinking. And the cats.

No matter how drunk I got I still fed them. No matter how depressed, I played with them. No matter how many times I was hungover and late for work, I was early (and sober) for vet appointments. No matter how many times Bandit had to meow at me to turn that thumping AC/DC off—which I would blast at two in the morning—he seemed to forgive me. My neighbors sure didn’t.

No matter how self-loathing, self-destructive, self-pitying I was… they crawled into my lap, purred, and loved me.

I realized they were not just pets. They were family. And they had carried me through. What love I had to give was given to them. What love I could receive was through them.

What spirituality I had was given to me was through taking care of them.

When I awakened from the nightmare of drugs and alcohol, although it wasn’t in my consciousness, I think deep down I was aware of this bond that had been formed.

What these two little animals had done for me.

As I recovered, grasping for my own image of what a spiritual life would look like, I realized that my empathy for all animals (and humans, for that matter) was deepening. That caring for animals was going to be one of the core principles in this spiritual life I was trying to live now.

I was told that in order to recover from drugs and alcohol I had to have a complete psychic change.

I think this was starting to qualify as one. I think I wanted to become a vegetarian.

But was it even possible to not eat meat? That was the thing. I wasn’t sure. Which, in retrospect, was silly—alcohol was the biggest obsession of my life for almost 20 years and I wasn’t drinking anymore.

For the first time, I thought about what I was eating. I thought about if I even really liked the taste of meat. This is not a silly question. Looking back, I hated the taste of alcohol—all of it, from cheap beer to hundred-dollar-a-bottle whiskey, from my first drink to my last. That’s the truth. People talk about how refreshing beer is or wax poetic about wine—I don’t get it. I drank to get drunk, to wreck myself, and booze was always hard to get down.

Was it the same for meat? I liked a good burger from time to time. I liked pepperoni on pizzas. But did thinking about this stuff make my mouth water? No. The inherent flavor of meat—the taste of the flesh itself—was that something I enjoyed? I didn’t think so. If I ate a steak I wouldn’t enjoy it unless it was doused with spices, external flavorings.

Raw meat absolutely repulsed me. I had a hard time buying it at the grocery store.

I was starting to think it was possible to quit meat—to realize that the flesh itself wasn’t really something I needed or even wanted.

I joined PETA but wasn’t interested in watching any of the graphic videos they sent me. That stuff was too extreme. On the other hand, I was interested in the founder of PETA, Ingrid Newkirk. She was obviously a person who cared deeply about animals, a kindred spirit, and I was interested in what made her decide to do what she was doing. HBO broadcast a documentary on her life and her work called I Am an Animal and I decided I’d try to watch it. I figured I could fast forward through any of the “rough” parts.

One of the images I recall was video of an adult cow in a slaughterhouse. I realized I had never seen what the inside of a slaughterhouse looked like. The cow was terrified as it was shoved out of a door onto the floor of what looked like a warehouse.

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Calf_with_eartag.jpg By Dave Young from Taranaki, New Zealand

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Calf_with_eartag.jpg
By Dave Young from Taranaki, New Zealand

I held my breath. I didn’t fast forward. I couldn’t look away.

The cow was wounded, flailing. It was trying to get to its feet but it couldn’t because the floor was a lake of blood. I could see it screaming.

I saw a monkey held down in a lab. I couldn’t tell what were the monkey’s limbs and what were restraints or electrodes. Its whole body looked stretched out and pinned. The monkey screamed as it was prodded with something.

The other scene I recall was on a mink farm. The face of a tiny, ferret-looking mink was in close-up in the foreground as a man’s boot came into frame. This man stepped on the mink’s skull first with one boot, then brought up the other one. The rodent struggled, the bones of its skull crunching under the man’s boots, blood gushing out of the mink’s nose. The film then cut to a different mink being skinned alive—I could clearly see the animal’s mouth opening to scream with each stab of the knife.

As I watched this… out of me came this sound. It was a howl that shook the room. My cats fled in terror and I could only imagine what my neighbors thought. Nothing that’s come out of my lungs has ever been that loud, lasted that long, or come from so deep a place. Then I burst into tears.

The next day I was a vegetarian. Over time I have become a vegan. I have never looked back, and could not live any other way.

I know now that this was a profound spiritual experience. The only comparable experience I have ever had is my moment of clarity about my alcoholism—a sort of “burning bush” that some, but not all, alcoholics experience. My burning bush was a voice in my head: If you keep drinking, things will get worse.

A simple truth perhaps. One that the whole universe was aware of—I was the last person to find out. But for me it was a thunderclap of wisdom. This was a thing that I knew to the core of my being—it wasn’t just a fact, it was a part of me.

There’s knowing in your head and there’s knowing in your soul. This was knowing in the soul, and this is the same place as my howl for the animals came from. The deepest place there is.

In both of those moments I knew I had to change. That I must.

In both of those moments, I discovered connection again. To a Higher Power, to myself.

And to animals.

329 thoughts on “TOWARD NOT EATING ANIMALS”

  3. I have recently changed my dietary ways also, I have been researching and looking for more healthy and humane options. The Hippocrates Diet and Health Program by Ann Wigmore is a book and program that I have found to be very interesting and helpful. I believe that it is very important to teach our children from a young age healthy options and humane choices. (in a gentle way without traumatizing them with to much information) Other than the usual USDA food pyramid I am not sure how much else is ever discussed or even available on the topic of nutrition. Thank you for your post. With respect, hope, joy and love, Carmela

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  4. Very well said, i truly believe that cruelty against animals is lowering us to a really sad level of evolution. I respect all living creatures and i think we don’t have the light to take away a life. I’m a vegetarian myself and your ideas impressed me as well as your captivating writing style.
    With admiration and respect for your courage and honesty,
    Carissa

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  7. I am a vegetarian for over 15 years now, and I know why I decided to become one a long time ago but recently I started to doubt my decision (pregnant and it might not be healthy for a young baby), however now that I have read your article this doubt is out of my mind again!
    Not sure how I ended up on your blog, but it sure did come on the right time!
    Thanks for sharing!

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    • Thank you so much for that comment, comments like this really make my day. I of course am not a doctor or anything, but just trolling the internet a little I’ve seen that being vegan and pregnant can certainly be healthy. Thank you for reading and the wonderful comment and good luck. 🙂

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  10. REALLY READING HABIT CAN CHANGE INTERNALLY THROUGH FULL OF IMMENSE WHICH IS RECOGNIZED BY FEELINGS OF OWN. MAN HAS NO SUITABLE ORGANS TO EAT LIKE UNEATABLE THINGS.

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  11. I’ve attempted to become vegetarian and vegan several times, for no particular reason. There wasn’t a prolific moment of epiphany or connection to a cause that I could pinpoint, just a persistent, unsettling urge. But after reading your post, your perspective makes complete sense to me. There have been many times that I’ve cuddled with my cat, or looked into my dog’s sad eyes while I reprimanded her for trying to lick the chicken on my plate, and I’ve thought, “What am I doing? How can I choose to eat this animal – and enjoy it – and choose to love and empathize with others? How am I okay with this?” You’ve inspired me to try again. For a real reason. Thanks 🙂

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  15. Extremely graphic post, which I don’t typically like, only in this case almost EXTREMELY important. I feel like the whole idea of “not knowing” where our food comes from, or how these poor animals become our good is horrible, simply because the act itself is mostly horrible. I appreciate your honesty, great post!

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  17. Interesting; however, your personal “spiritual” awakening is not as spiritual as you may consider its validity. Let me expound on that comment. You mentioned the Catholic faith in your youth, and not being an active participant–why is that? Were the dogmas of their faith system too demanding, or another reason altogether? Spirituality, its origin being God, the power you feel connected to in some way did something in the beginning of humankind that would sicken you; He (God) killed an animal, then took its hide and made coverings for Adam and Eve to hide their nakedness. This nakedness was not an issue until eating of the forbidden tree in the midst of the garden. In Old Testament days, animal sacrifice was required daily, and continuously by the Levitical priest. The atoning death of Christ ended the required sacrifices, as He became the final and ultimate lamb to be slain, providing His blood as the payment demaded of God the Father; as is written, without the shedding of blood, there is no remission of sin.
    Furthermore, meats were provided to the Levitical priesthood, as well a daily meal. Also, in the Old Testament, when Moses and the Israeli people wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, they once complained of having only “manna” to eat, and demanded meat. Thusly, God had the fowls of the air to fly waist high enabling the people to kill them for food. However, God requested that they kill only what was needed, in mans supposed process of thinking, hoarding numerous birds, instead of what was needed to satisfy hunger, they not only disobeyed God, but the numerous kills rotted before being consumed.
    Thirdly and last, a strict vegetarian diet is unhealthy, ask your doctor, as red meat provides nutrients not afforded by only eating vegatables. So much for liberal thinking as considering one post that mentions the “evolving” species of man being so cruel to animals. Also, in the Bible, God’s Word and authority for those who belong to Him, mentions that in the last days humans (being you and I) will pay more attention to the creation, than the Creator. This is evident in your post and the comments therein. Advocates against animal cruelty are plentious, even those who oppose hunting, such as deer. Did you know that the hunting season for deer is government controlled by the states, and without the hunting season, thousands of deer would die from starvation and disease, due to over-population and hunting thins the herds and therefore survive. Don’t place too much emphasis on your “awakening” to a close-minded view of eating meats, as is also written–God created “all” things for the benefit of mankind; unfortunately, due to greed, power hunger, et cetera mankind chooses to exploit an otherwise blessing.

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  18. I don’t really know where to start here. I’m not sure I should, since you are more interested in a lecture rather than a discussion. I respect your idea of God that seems to be derived from the Bible. It’s obvious you do not respect my idea, so I will not discuss that with you. It’s also pretty common knowledge these days that eating meat is linked to heart disease, and there’s more studies coming out that are also linking meat consumption to cancer and other serious diseases. So your ‘health’ argument is obviously uninformed. I agreed partially with your last sentence. But otherwise I don’t know what to say because you’re obviously so dismissive of anyone’s experience that doesn’t match your own.

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  20. Good post!, I recently became vegetarian because I love animals and also because of spirituality reasons too. Years ago I went to a Hare Krishna center as part of a college assignment of my World Religion class and they explained their diet that consist of no eating any kind of animal because when you eat flesh you’re eating its karma too. I always believed that animals have a soul you can see it through its eyes they express suffer, fear, happiness, sadness and that made me think a lot about it and every time I eat meat I felt bad about myself. Two years past and I was sitting in a plaza when this guy who was a Hare Krishna approached to me and started to talk about his believes.. and then the animal subject came telling that animals have a soul, a karma and they are sacred so eating them consist on eating its soul too. That, for me, was kind of a message, two times I encounter this experience and I believe that God speaks through any person manifesting itself in different ways. That was my decision “I don’t want to eat animals any more” I said. So, I search the research of the research of research of vegetarianism before to decide my new path and then I found this documentary called Vegucated which after seen it made me more convince of the change that I was going to. Now that I’m a starting this new me, I feel a lot of better with myself and happy that I’m not part of the animal suffering.
    Sorry for this long comment and the grammar too.

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your story. I love hearing about other people’s paths toward not eating animals and yours is definitely moving. Sounds like you were open and willing to hear what others offered and I think that’s the key to making any kind of change. Thanks again. 🙂

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  21. I share in your spiritual agony and questioning over the cruel treatment of animals. I thought about going vegetarian, but the spiritual question of eating meat is surprisingly complex for me. I actually live on a beef farm, and grew up eating venison from the woods. I realized that it’s possible for humans to raise and eat meat cruelty-free, or at least less cruel as other carnivores in nature. I’ve watched coyotes tear apart chickens, cats torture mice. Sadly, cruelty seems to exist in nature, but I think humans are more evolved. Our cows live peaceful lives in a big pasture where they play and cuddle with one another. When the day comes for slaughter, it’s a quick bullet to the head. I think it’s not necessarily meat-eating that needs questioning, but the way we raise and slaughter the animals that we consume. We need more cruelty-free small farms and to eliminate the large farming practices that completely devalue and dishonor the lives of these animal brethren.

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    • You definitely make some good points. Treating and slaughtering animals in a humane fashion is certainly a step in the right direction–sadly on most factory farms this just doesn’t take place. Your example of animals ‘torturing’ other animals I don’t quite buy–for sure cats seem to be torturing a mouse to us, but I think it’s safe to say that animals have no malice or any kind of axe to grind–so to speak–when they kill. There is nothing personal in their killing of other animals–they need to eat. Cats have an instinct to hunt and to capture their food. I don’t think Fluffy is sitting there thinking “Yeah, look at that little bastard squirm, I got him.” Humans will kill out of malice–very often they do these things in factory farms and the like, where their souls and spirits are debased along with the animals they’re killing. And then there’s the point that humans don’t NEED to eat animals. Animals do–cats are 100% carnivore, for example. But you’re right–honoring their lives up to the point of slaughter, while it wouldn’t be my choice, would definitely be a huge improvement. Lastly, I’m not really trying to project my judgements onto anyone else–I’m really only discussing what works for me and my spirituality. Thanks for your thoughtful comment. 🙂

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      • I appreciate your own perspective on the issue- it’s awesome when people can talk about these things. It’s definitely an ethical and philosophical challenge with lots of opportunity for individual approaches. Thanks for sharing your experience.

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  22. This was a really great read. I am a vegetarian as well and in all the times people have asked me why I became one, I don’t think I’ve ever had an answer as eloquent as this. Loved reading about the cats as well and I can definitely relate, being a cat person myself 🙂

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  27. To paraprase Tolstoy’s famous quote*, ‘As long as people keep “carnivore” pets, other animals will have to be bred and killed in industrial conditions’ …
    * ‘As long as there are slaughterhouses there will always be battlefields.’

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      • To paraphrase your Buddhist monk: ‘Can you be a spiritual person if you are participating in the cruelty and suffering of animals by having some animals killed to feed other animals?’

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        • Again you are twisting the intent, not paraphrasing. Both Tolstoy and the monk are addressing humans, and their spiritual and moral choice to eat meat or not. A cat cannot make a spiritual choice. It has to eat meat (it’s possible to make dogs vegan from what I understand, but it’s risky and you have to be careful). You do bring up an important point and I definitely acknowledge it–keeping companion animals is peripherally supporting industrial slaughter, although if you want to look at the big picture, the vast majority of slaughter is to feed humans–the ‘leftovers’ in industrial slaughter are used to feed companion animals. So this is not a 1-to-1 trade-off. If more humans made the decision to not eat meat–because let’s face it, they don’t HAVE to–there would be vast improvements made in this area. In the final analysis keep in mind that I am outlining my own spiritual pursuit, not yours. Your definition is obviously different. But I have made an important spiritual decision for myself and have taken a concrete action–and, when it comes to spiritual progress, humans can never be perfect, the goal is to just make progress. That’s where real change comes from in my opinion. Holding out for absolute principles gets us nowhere. Thank you for the discussion.

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    • I am aware of that, and it’s shameful. God knows why they’re operating animal kill shelters. But no one and no organization is perfect, and this black eye does not tarnish all the many great things PETA has done on behalf of animals in my view.

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    • I agree on your points. I have not seen Food, Inc. but Blackfish was hard to watch and a really great film in my opinion. I agree with you on the treatment of animals. The drugs that are injected into them and ultimately digested by humans are very unhealthy.

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  31. Thank you for writing this piece, its truly wonderful and has me in tears. I too have had a fairly recent spiritual awakening and I believe with it my decision not to eat meat. How can we, to cause pain through basically torture to another life is just repulsive and heart breaking to me. Beautifully written too. Great job.

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    • Thank you so much for your comments, Susan. They really made my day. It sounds like your own spiritual awakening led to some of the same truths that I discovered. I am very grateful when I learn that I share a similar connection with someone. 🙂

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  33. My cats were the same reason I chose to become a vegetarian. It was a bit of a struggle to adjust to making meals without meat but once I got the hang of it I realized I didn’t miss meat that much. I feel much better now.

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  35. Michael, I want to thank you for telling your story. We have much in common, cats, being in the fellowship, veganism, no longer wanting to be a party to the suffering inherent in killing animals or exploiting them for our transitory gustatory enjoyment. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Namaste.

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  36. It is so hard for me to convey to others why I cannot fathom the thought of ever eating an animal again. Your words are so true and simple and I only wish others could understand! Thank you for sharing your journey 🙂

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  37. I enjoyed the part about your bond with your cats. I have always loved each of my pets, but few people around me seemed to understand that deep connection, whether it be with a loyal dog, cat, or a little mouse.

    I have been vegetarian for about a year and a half now, from a similar standpoint as you. I’m from St. Louis, so I always loved Toasted Ravioli, but often became ill after eating pork or large amounts of beef. I ate what people gave me, but never actually took the time to make myself anything but pasta or salad. I would like to become Vegan as well, but although St. Louis is an oasis in the midwest, vegan food and ingredients are far too costly and timely here for a college student with no real kitchen to afford. I try to though, milk substitutes though are the only thing I can afford regvarly!

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    • Thank you for the comments. I think gradually things are changing with regard to vegan food availability and pricing–because there’s really no reason a lot of it should cost more than meat. But sounds like you’re doing what you can. Sadly, a lot of people will never understand the magnitude of the bond that it is possible to have with an animal–but obviously you do. 🙂

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  39. Lovely post 🙂
    I went through an identical process when I stumbled across a video while doing some research for a university report.
    I’d never made the connection between meat and suffering animals before. It sounds ridiculous, but i just didn’t link the two.
    After watching what animals are put through I felt sicked, and a fraud for calling myself an animal lover.

    I’m now about to pass the 1 yr mark of being a vegetarian, and I couldn’t be happier 🙂

    Thanks for sharing your experience. You worded it perfectly.

    A. x

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  40. Thanks for the comments, A. Yeah–it’s so easy to be blind to the connection, and of course the meat industry goes out of its way to keep it this way. Congrats on the switch to vegetarianism. 🙂

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  41. I find your whole statement and that of all vegetarians just another excuse for elitism and bigotry. The same goes for so many in the animals rights community. You eat meat so you are inferior to my wondrous, spiritual self. Although you rely more on inference than outright claims, you send a message that is exactly like a racist talking about ethnic people and the evil is the same.
    Are tigers spiritual? Are they evil? No, they are tigers and they kill animals and eat meat. Nature is nature with no right or wrong (human inventions). Humans are natural too, unless you haven’t heard and so, like it or not, are our works. I personally think that the thing that made us human is the psychological jump from being prey to predator. Can you try to imagine what that was like when we quit huddling in the shadows and strode out into the sun? And I think the beginnings of articulated speech, community effort, civilization were developed in the hunting party. Just as I believe Eve should be celebrated rather than reviled because she made us self aware and therefore human, the hunters brought man into the light.
    Have you ever heard of conservation refugees? These are the tribal peoples who are uprooted and forced into the slums or into camps so there land can be given over to elephants or weasels or whatever. The fact that they have lived there for generations means nothing because they are foul, evil humans. And in East Africa game wardens have become death squads killing ‘poachers’ on sight because this is what rich white tourists want.
    I find people like you so bogus and full of yourselves it makes me want to spit.
    By the way, it took me two tours through rehab to stop drinking twenty years ago and I didn’t do it by surrendering to ‘a high power.’ I did it by taking control of myself and toughing it out. Didn’t do it for myself either, which they say is the only way. I like drinking and being drunk. I finally quit due to the damage it was doing my family, not for me. As to the higher power, I think it is beside the point. We should act ethically because that’s the way humans should act, not to because somebody tells us to. In the end you may live your life any way you want and it’s not really any of my business, nor is it my business to try to change your mind. Climb into your higher power’s fanny pack and ride through life looking down on those who think otherwise, but don’t ask me to respect it.

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    • Sounds like this a big rant projecting your own stuff onto me and others. I have plenty of spiritual friends who eat meat and I don’t judge them for it–I was pretty clear to stick to my own experience. Basically you accuse me of things that you’re demonstrating in your rant–mainly, intolerance and ‘bigotry’, as you put it.

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  42. Reblogged this on and commented:
    “Can you be a spiritual person if you are participating in the cruelty and suffering of animals by eating them?” – interesting thought and a telling story.

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  43. I just feel so bad… Because i love meat.. But I don’t want to them suffer. So is a bit confuse… I hope u can understand me.. A bit..
    Ps: say hello to your cats, I have one Alex and I know that he love me a lot, and he is always close to me specially when I feel blue.. Down…

    Take care

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  46. Michael your post brought me to tears even though i have been vegan for just about a year you write beautifully even on such a difficult subject to read about. congrats on getting sober ❤

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  47. Michael, what a beautiful, soul-baring article. I saw nothing of bigotry, judgment, or lecturing in its telling. It definitely made you a smarter, more informed, and conscientious participant of life. I’m a vegan…didn’t do it because of the cruelty to animals…that’s been going on before, and will go on after my life,( sadly). But it has made me more aware of the outer influences of any chosen lifestyle. We need to sit up and take notice, make our choices, become passionate about them, and stick to them. We are where we are because of our choices. And I for one will let you embrace yours, and I will embrace mine. Peace and blessings to you in your journey.

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    • Thank you for your very kind (and wise) comments. I like what you said, “We are where we are because of our choices.” Simple and commonsensical perhaps, but it struck me and sticks with me. Peace and blessings to you as well. 🙂

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  48. Yours is a well written article. Kudos to you for making this choice!
    I come from a family that has been vegetarian for many generations- not so much by choice but because of religious reasons. I was taught as a child why I was raised vegetarian while my friends and so many people around me ate meat. It was a choice that was very easy to understand even as a child. I never thought I was deprived of something because the family did not eat meat.
    Do not harm anything or anyone when there is no need to, I was told.
    Ahimsa- A Sanskrit word that roughly can be translated as ‘no-cruelty” is a huge part of who you are and what you eat.
    Both my children who are now teenagers are now vegan , have always been vegetarian since birth and it was not at all difficult to raise them the way I was raised.
    We take them to the zoo, farms and show how beautiful animals are. It is very easy to tell a child that we don’t eat beef/chicken/pigs etc., because they are beautiful animals.
    It is a choice worth making, it is choice that is not difficult and it is a choice that is nothing but good. So, why not?
    Namaste.

    Reply

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