TOWARD NOT EATING ANIMALS

2pigs

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2pigs.jpg
By Titanium22

I got sober from drugs and alcohol in 2000. In the process of recovering I realized that from then on spirituality was going to be an important focus of my life—that it had to be, since the connection to a Higher Power was necessary to keep me sober and alive.

I didn’t realize that recovery would connect me to myself as well, to what was really inside me.

During the early part of my recovery I realized that spirituality could be an open field to play on. I grew up around Catholicism and I didn’t feel like it was that way at all when I was young. I realized that my Higher Power could be one of my own understanding—that I had a lot of room to explore.

So I started exploring. One day I was reading a passage written by a Buddhist monk that was addressed to people of the West. I came across this section where he wrote (I’m paraphrasing):

Can you be a spiritual person if you are participating in the cruelty and suffering of animals by eating them?

This is the first time that it really sunk in that there was a possible connection between spirituality and not eating animals.

Months after I read this passage, I was talking with a friend of mine, and she mentioned that she had become a vegetarian. When I asked what had sparked her conversion, she said it was her cat. Her cat? Yes, she couldn’t look at her cat after eating a plate of meat. She felt guilty.

I thought about my own cats. Through my drinking years, my cats were probably my one shred of connection with anything remotely spiritual. I adopted my cats Bandit and Hooper in 1995.

Bandit on the left, Hooper on the right.

Bandit on the left, Hooper on the right.

Girlfriends came and went, guy friends came and went, cars came and went crashing, my job came… and almost went three times, because I showed up to work drunk or didn’t bother showing up at all.

The one constant was the drinking. And the cats.

No matter how drunk I got I still fed them. No matter how depressed, I played with them. No matter how many times I was hungover and late for work, I was early (and sober) for vet appointments. No matter how many times Bandit had to meow at me to turn that thumping AC/DC off—which I would blast at two in the morning—he seemed to forgive me. My neighbors sure didn’t.

No matter how self-loathing, self-destructive, self-pitying I was… they crawled into my lap, purred, and loved me.

I realized they were not just pets. They were family. And they had carried me through. What love I had to give was given to them. What love I could receive was through them.

What spirituality I had was given to me was through taking care of them.

When I awakened from the nightmare of drugs and alcohol, although it wasn’t in my consciousness, I think deep down I was aware of this bond that had been formed.

What these two little animals had done for me.

As I recovered, grasping for my own image of what a spiritual life would look like, I realized that my empathy for all animals (and humans, for that matter) was deepening. That caring for animals was going to be one of the core principles in this spiritual life I was trying to live now.

I was told that in order to recover from drugs and alcohol I had to have a complete psychic change.

I think this was starting to qualify as one. I think I wanted to become a vegetarian.

But was it even possible to not eat meat? That was the thing. I wasn’t sure. Which, in retrospect, was silly—alcohol was the biggest obsession of my life for almost 20 years and I wasn’t drinking anymore.

For the first time, I thought about what I was eating. I thought about if I even really liked the taste of meat. This is not a silly question. Looking back, I hated the taste of alcohol—all of it, from cheap beer to hundred-dollar-a-bottle whiskey, from my first drink to my last. That’s the truth. People talk about how refreshing beer is or wax poetic about wine—I don’t get it. I drank to get drunk, to wreck myself, and booze was always hard to get down.

Was it the same for meat? I liked a good burger from time to time. I liked pepperoni on pizzas. But did thinking about this stuff make my mouth water? No. The inherent flavor of meat—the taste of the flesh itself—was that something I enjoyed? I didn’t think so. If I ate a steak I wouldn’t enjoy it unless it was doused with spices, external flavorings.

Raw meat absolutely repulsed me. I had a hard time buying it at the grocery store.

I was starting to think it was possible to quit meat—to realize that the flesh itself wasn’t really something I needed or even wanted.

I joined PETA but wasn’t interested in watching any of the graphic videos they sent me. That stuff was too extreme. On the other hand, I was interested in the founder of PETA, Ingrid Newkirk. She was obviously a person who cared deeply about animals, a kindred spirit, and I was interested in what made her decide to do what she was doing. HBO broadcast a documentary on her life and her work called I Am an Animal and I decided I’d try to watch it. I figured I could fast forward through any of the “rough” parts.

One of the images I recall was video of an adult cow in a slaughterhouse. I realized I had never seen what the inside of a slaughterhouse looked like. The cow was terrified as it was shoved out of a door onto the floor of what looked like a warehouse.

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Calf_with_eartag.jpg By Dave Young from Taranaki, New Zealand

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Calf_with_eartag.jpg
By Dave Young from Taranaki, New Zealand

I held my breath. I didn’t fast forward. I couldn’t look away.

The cow was wounded, flailing. It was trying to get to its feet but it couldn’t because the floor was a lake of blood. I could see it screaming.

I saw a monkey held down in a lab. I couldn’t tell what were the monkey’s limbs and what were restraints or electrodes. Its whole body looked stretched out and pinned. The monkey screamed as it was prodded with something.

The other scene I recall was on a mink farm. The face of a tiny, ferret-looking mink was in close-up in the foreground as a man’s boot came into frame. This man stepped on the mink’s skull first with one boot, then brought up the other one. The rodent struggled, the bones of its skull crunching under the man’s boots, blood gushing out of the mink’s nose. The film then cut to a different mink being skinned alive—I could clearly see the animal’s mouth opening to scream with each stab of the knife.

As I watched this… out of me came this sound. It was a howl that shook the room. My cats fled in terror and I could only imagine what my neighbors thought. Nothing that’s come out of my lungs has ever been that loud, lasted that long, or come from so deep a place. Then I burst into tears.

The next day I was a vegetarian. Over time I have become a vegan. I have never looked back, and could not live any other way.

I know now that this was a profound spiritual experience. The only comparable experience I have ever had is my moment of clarity about my alcoholism—a sort of “burning bush” that some, but not all, alcoholics experience. My burning bush was a voice in my head: If you keep drinking, things will get worse.

A simple truth perhaps. One that the whole universe was aware of—I was the last person to find out. But for me it was a thunderclap of wisdom. This was a thing that I knew to the core of my being—it wasn’t just a fact, it was a part of me.

There’s knowing in your head and there’s knowing in your soul. This was knowing in the soul, and this is the same place as my howl for the animals came from. The deepest place there is.

In both of those moments I knew I had to change. That I must.

In both of those moments, I discovered connection again. To a Higher Power, to myself.

And to animals.

329 thoughts on “TOWARD NOT EATING ANIMALS

  1. Thanks for your post, it’s made me look at myself again. I was diagnosed as a celiac recently (which isn’t even that bad) and the dietary restrictions frustrated me into eating meat after being a veggie for 8 months. It meant a lot to me, and I lost sight of it. Thanks to your article, I can’t go back. I have three little pups, two shit-zhu’s and a chihuahua. They are my sweetest friends. Love is always abundant.
    Namaste, Mike..

  2. Reblogged this on Spirit of The Ocean and commented:
    Understanding our place, and our role on this earth is mandatory.
    We have a responsibility to be guardians, and the gentle warriors of our planet. Most animals naturally look to us with love, curiosity and wonder. When we betray their trust, we teach them to act in fear, isolation and hate.
    When we are the abusers, we will be abused.

  3. This is so well written and thought provoking, as well as personal and intimate. In recovery as well and still struggling with the spirituality aspect. This was really insightful and I truly enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Dear Blogger,
    Always I have been a vegetarian. Avoiding non veg food is a family norm. You will find many such families in India, may be across the world. Since I never tried non-veg food, I am never tempted to eat. After reading this blog, I wanted to thank my great grand fathers & my parents for accepting to have only vegetarian food as a norm.
    I will surely teach my children, what it means to be a PROUD vegetarian.

    Thanks for the blog, I am glad I came across something interesting today.

    Cheers,
    D

    • Thank you for the kind comments. I think it’s great that you were born into a family that doesn’t even consider eating animals. I, along with many in the U.S., was born into a family that considered nothing but eating animals. Things would have been a lot different obviously had it been the other way around. Thanks again 🙂

  5. I remember the day I came home from school having found out what meat actually was – I was horrified that we ate animals. I went vegetarian properly when I left school and vegan a few years later. For me, nothing spiritual in it, just wanting to live my life without using animals and the peace of mind that comes from following your conscience. It has not been hard either, even living outside of my own country for a long time. there has always been plenty of good things to eat! I enjoyed reading your story and wish you all the best.

  6. Hey Michael,

    I have read through many freshly pressed and never see anyone disagree with anyone. While that is refreshing as comments elsewhere are usually filled with hate and cynicism nowadays…I can’t lie when I say I have always tended to snigger at vegetarians. However, for those who simply don’t like the taste, ok, but for those who try to empower animals to be on the same levels of humans and deserve the same respect, I simply and humbly disagree. I do not, obviously, condone any sort of torture or unnecessary harm to animals. You seem to have “humanised” your cats and many people do but essentially, the manner in which your cats helped you get through those times could have taken any other form. Just because the cats helped you through such an experience doesn’t mean that all animals should then not be eaten because they can help us through such ordeals. That is a sweeping categorisation. Anyway, I actually respect a lot of what you had to say and say well done to you for overcoming the grip of Alcohol and commend you for it! In the end, like insinuated in your post, we are all animals and have certain natures. Snakes strike out to kill and defend, other animals eat other animals, sometimes even their own kind. Why are we to be set apart from that? Just some food for thought!

    • I don’t think I have humanized my cats–I love them and I appreciate them for the unique creatures they are. I think a sweeping categorization is yours–that all farm animals should be eaten. When animals defend themselves or eat other animals for food, obviously that is ‘natural.’ Torturing and murdering animals in factory farms is not. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  7. I read this out of curiosity. I am not a vegetarian, nor do I desire to be one, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wonder why people choose to not eat meat. I appreciate your candor and honesty about how you feel, and the emotions came through very powerfully. As a “functioning” alcoholic, this struck a chord with me. I do, however, find it ironic that you found inspiration from PETA. Thank you for sharing.

  8. I have three cats and each of them kind of create a connection with a specific element of us. Me, my syster and my father. Each of us has his “own cat”. Offcourse I like them all, by my connection with my one is further special.. I started sleeping with him, under the same blanket, when he was still a little kitty. And as the time pass by he left me for my father although we still have our naps together and he leans his foot against my belly.. It such a wonderfull feeling..
    But what I really want to comment is the vegetarianism.. last 2 years I have the benefit of living with vegetarian people and that bring me so much awareness about it.. you know, when your gastronomy and your culture is all about meat and fish dishes, you kind of stop thinking about the facts under those industries and the suffering behind them.. you just consider normal that you have a piece of flesh on your plate and delightfully ready to eat. So as I went to Germany to study and as I said I have been experienced living with vegetarian people, I really create the awareness that I was needing to quit having meat! (I think I cannot totally quit on fish).. One day I saw one of those videos that show how the chickens, pigs, cows, and so forth are treated in that industry and was the bottom line to carry on my decision… I start to wonder, is this animal’s life suffering worth for my 15 min pleasure?? Because the survival question is not in question anymore… It is a matter of selfishness!!
    Well, I end up here and left you a nice video:

    http://elitedaily.com/humor/adorable-baby-pig-showering-will-make-never-want-eat-bacon/

    best regards
    Helga Matos

    • Hi Helga, thanks so much for all the things you said. I love your descriptions of each family member’s ‘personal’ cat, that was amusing. And I thought your evolution toward cutting out meat was interesting, and I certainly can relate to a lot of it. Thank you so much for the video of the pig, I loved it! 🙂

  9. Old habits die hard. I once got addicted to watch Internet pron . For seven years of immoderate masturbation , my physical and mental health became worse and worse. I told myself :If you don’t stop it now, you’ll have to stop it in hospital. So I quit this bad habit and my health is getting better. Change for oneself is both the hardest and easiest thing to do.

    • Like every human and every organization for that matter, PETA is not perfect and I certainly question some of the things they do. For me, their kill shelters are shameful. But they have done a lot of good for animals–a LOT–so I respectfully disagree with you. Thanks for reading 🙂

  10. well, it may sound strange coming from the mouth of a vegetarian, but i do not necessarily agree with your opinion or viewpoint, and part of my reasoning is as follows.
    for starters, animals are equal to us, i agree to that, but if i have to choose between saving a stranger and an animal, i will always choose the stranger (assuming that he is not a mass murderer) and i believe a lot of people won’t need an explanation for the choice.
    secondly, animals are of 3 kinds, herbivores, carnivores and omnivores. and as far as my knowledge goes, we cannot digest cellulose, so the probability of being an herbivore reduces substantially. also we have (i cannot recall the term, but essentially having eyes on the front rather than the sides, like a deer, which also helps us in depth perception is strongly linked to carnivores) stereopsis. so it does not seem like its against nature.
    then there is the fact that most of the species consumed commonly are not endangered, and they get proper treatment and care, which leads to a better, if not longer life.
    i really do not see a problem with consumption of animals. what really irks me is using their fur and skins. maybe because it does not have a justification for me like eating animals doesn’t have a justification for you. but i believe that before we stop eating animals (i know how wrong this can sound) we should really, truly stop poaching

    • Hi and thanks for reading. Well… the ‘rescuing’ example is not really a real-world example, you’re just snapping it to drive home your point. And I’m not arguing that anyway, I’m just saying that animals deserve love and respect and not to be eaten and abused and tortured. There are millions of vegetarians and vegans, so obviously humans don’t ‘need’ to eat animals. Animals that are slaughtered for food on the whole are definitely NOT getting proper treatment and care, that’s sort of the point here. I agree with you on the poaching and animal fur. Thanks for reading. 🙂

      • I understand your point and respect it. Animals are loved and they deserve to be, but some of them act as food product and that should not be an issue. What should be an issue is that people know what they are eating. If they are fine with that, then we should not bother them as there are far more pressing issues at hand. Animals should definitely not be tortured and abused. Once we have minimised that along with poaching, we can move on to your point. To act according to needs rather than wants. However I am not sure how a completely vegetarian world will afeect earth as crop production will need to inccrease multi-fold. But at the moment that is merely a hypothetical quuestion. Anyways, I wish you all the best in your endeavours

  11. Congratulations on making a conscious decision to not eat animals. I became a vegetarian for the same reason, after reading a passage similar to the one you quoted…that was 25 years ago. It makes so much sense not to eat our animal friends that we have the good fortune to share this planet with. Om shanti

    • Thank you, I can definitely agree with that. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 I went back because your phrase about “making our stomachs a graveyard for living things” is really sticking with me–that’s a very powerful image and I thank you for that.

    • Yes, thanks for the link. Frankly, there are so many reasons that it’s good to be veg that one could write a series of blog posts on all the reasons–and the environmental reason is a very important one. Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

    • Thank you for reading and stopping by. Your blog looks interesting. I think the story of your connection–which you go into detail with on your blog– with the mother moose is wonderful and I think that’s essentially what I’m talking about here.

  12. Can’t disagree more, spirituality has nothing to do with animals unless you worship them!

    I love the animals on our land but they are there to be eaten, some people have no respect for the life that’s taken when they go to the supermarket to buy a hunk of meat out of the freezer but if you appreciate meat and enjoy it there is no reason not to eat it. Humans are designed to be omnivorous and while some people may not like to eat meat it is their choice to restrict their diet I never will.

    I will however appreciate the animals I have, I will do all I can to ensure they never suffer and then when I sit down to eat some pork, beef or whatever, I appreciate the animal that once lived and know that their sacrifice was worth it.

  13. I hear you, and I respect your choice. I was vegan for three months, after a similar life change. I began eating meat again when I started feeling like it really wasn’t immoral to do so. The horrible treatment of animals is immoral of course, and abstaining from meat makes a statement about that, but I firmly believe you can eat animals and love animals. Jesus ate animals and you know He loves them. They were basically His idea in the first place.

    • Thanks for reading and commenting. I am not trying to tell anyone what to do frankly, I’m just telling my story–and for me and for my own spiritual journey and peace of mind, I have to choose as I have. I do think the torture and murder of animals on factory farms and the like IS immoral, but I don’t judge or preach to anyone. I certainly think it is possible to love and respect animals and still eat them (even though I could not personally do that)–for example, Native Americans were very respectful of animals and still ate them. But 99% of animal meat comes from factory farms, and there is no love or respect or much that is moral associated with what they do, in my opinion. Thanks for the comment 🙂

  14. I am on vacation and stopped in Tennessee and went horse back riding. The horses on the farms were free running around and the cows too. Two days later I am in New Orleans and see horses carrying carriages. The horses had no fur where the bars and there skin met. Half of them were too skinny. It’s so sad what people do. I am realizing that turning your head won’t make you feel any better about the situation.

    • That contrast only a couple of days apart is pretty stunning. Yes, I think for me anyway I just couldn’t look away anymore. But it’s ultimately a good thing I think. Not turning away is embracing compassion and connection, the best parts of oneself. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

  15. Thank you for sharing your story, it moved me. I have cut down on beef because of Dr Oz’s segment on plaque in blood vessels… But you’re taking care if the rest of my animal consumption. Ha. I think i need too watch the PETA film to finish it off.

  16. Michael, this was beautiful. I do not share your sentiments, but the soul in me feels the soul in you. This is excellent and stirring. Thank you for your story and many blessings to you, my brother.

  17. Reblogged this on IBis-WISE and commented:
    I have considered being vegetarian and/or vegan – but cannot say not to burgers, chicken breast, and an occasional fried pork chop.

    However this is a good read and makes me think I should try a 30-90 day fast and slowly take meat out my diet just to see…??..

  18. Hi Michael,
    I have stopped eating animals now for over a year and I enjoyed reading your post, thank you. If you ever have a chance to read Leo Tolstoy’s essay “The First Step”, I think you will enjoy it. He wrote it after a visit to a slaughterhouse and had been undergoing a spiritual revolution at the same time. Tolstoy originally wrote it as a preface for a book titled “The Ethics of Diet” by Howard Williams, another read you might find relevant. It is a compilation of writings about the “depracatory practice of flesh-eating” (part of the subtitle) from vegetarians throughout history, from Pythagoras to modern day.
    -Zac

  19. Pingback: Freshly Riffed 65: It’s Lucky I Hate To Be Taken Seriously | A VERY STRANGE PLACE

  20. I attribute my journey into vegetarianism 7 years ago to my practice of tai chi, qigong and meditation over the years. I woke up one day, decided on taking the journey, surprised myself and my family, and never looked back. It was a kind of spiritual realization through a slow simmering process I guess. Thanks for your nice blog and for all the comments it has sparked off.

    • That’s interesting, thank you for sharing that Andy. We all have our own journeys I guess. I discovered meditation after I made the change to vegetarianism. Thanks for reading and the comment. 🙂

  21. very well work done…keep going…i liked it…its nice…as am a new blogger in this world and i wrote just 1 blog (story) (http://mindtechnorms.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/when-god-granted-tittus-to-go-to-earth-for-1-day-part-i/) and unable to find my viewer as like you, can u please help me by reading my 1st blog what wrong with my writing…is really something wrong with my writing or am just expecting too early…your helpful comments will really inspire me… and please follow me…

  22. Though I am not into a ‘higher power’ – I am more into universal interconnectedness – I have been a vegetarian now for about 10 yrs, and on looking back was never big into meat eating anyway. I aim to go the extra step and go vegan – it is on the ‘to do list’ – maybe your post will inspire me 🙂

    • Hi Dawn… to me I don’t think it matters too much what you call it, it’s just a term… universal interconnectedness is good too, since the key thing is just to see our connection with animals. Good luck going vegan and thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

  23. My health was my driver to eat better and after watching many documentaries like Fork Over Knives, I am better educated about food choices. I am a better cook now also but I have family that love animal protein so I have to be flexible. Vegetarian is the way to go.

  24. Reblogged this on Distractions on the Road to Delphi and commented:
    I have not read a blog post in a long time that has brought me to tears by the end.
    I had a similar awakening that made me vegetarian years ago. I am constantly appalled at the lack of humanity and harmony shown in our approach to food and the environment in general.

    What we eat isn’t the end of a conversion like this and I have re-blogged this in the hope it can inspire someone else to make a change in what they eat, to choose a household cleaner that isn’t tested on animals or to question, question, question – not to just live in a cocoon of ignorance.

    To Michael,
    Thank-you for writing this and sharing such a vivid, heartfelt journey.

  25. Hi Michael,

    I’m not a vegetarian myself however I do own a cat, so I can definitely relate to that! It’s great to hear that you’ve found some spirituality in your life and long may it continue. Even though I do consume meat, I must say that society consumes far too much meat and poultry in this day and age. It has led to a very sedentary lifestyle and development of various illnesses, especially among the people of my geographical background. I believe that meat itself should only be a rare luxury; a treat. That’s just my two pennies worth.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Glad to hear from another cat person :). I respect your choice, though even a little meat would not work for me. And yes, there are numerous studies now that link meet to many diseases. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

  26. What a great post. While we took on this issue a few months ago (http://sophiaspockets.wordpress.com/2013/11/23/eating-our-values/).
    We also just took on a different issue of the spiritual treatment of animals even when we aren’t eating them. Check out our posts about elephants in Thailand (http://sophiaspockets.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/for-the-love-of-elephants/) and them maybe come write something for us! Thanks again for sharing this part of your spiritual journey.

    • I liked those posts. I did a volunteer trip to Thailand last year where we helped elephants that were freed from such places as the one you visited–it was one of the best experiences of my life and I’ve written about it extensively (under “My Thailand Trip” tab above).

    • I think the killing of Marius was terrible too, but I agree, people ‘see’ the suffering of other animals a lot easier than they ‘see’ the suffering and killing of farm animals. Thank you for reading and the comments. 🙂

  27. I thoroughly enjoyed your post, even though I do not share some of your views. The old saying feed a dog and it will consider you the king, feed a cat and she thinks she is the queen may fit. Animals do show emotion, feeling, hurt and discomfort. In my opinion they do not share the same spiritual nature as humans. There is right way and a wrong way in which animals should be slaughtered. If a man falls over a boat and is eaten by a bunch of sharks it is not pretty. As humans we have the ability to not act as a pack and to make conscience decisions in how we kill animals. The examples you give are not acceptable to me either, however I will enjoy my steak and fight for the correct treatment.

    • Well… I don’t agree with much of what you said but that’s okay. I guess we agree on the animals feeling emotion, pain, and discomfort. Have no clue what point you’re making with the shark example. I like that we agree that at the very least animals can be treated more humanely before they’re slaughtered. Thanks for reading.

      • Michael, I am sorry if I didn’t explain myself. We can create a false sense of security between species. We can walk up to the glass in a large aquarium and be inches from sharks, we can train tigers, elephants…..however it is on our terms not there’s. In the wild all three would kill a human and they would not feel guilt, shame or have sympathy. I am sorry that I didn’t explain better.

        • Still don’t know what this has to do with anything. They don’t feel guilt, shame, or have sympathy so then what? They don’t have souls? Animals don’t attack anything out of rage or revenge either, like humans do. They attack to eat and to defend themselves. They don’t torture humans. In the wild they could care less about humans–they certainly don’t hunt them. They would attack if they felt threatened, that is all. It’s never personal with animals. Again, losing your point. Because they don’t feel guilt they are beneath us? Humans kill out of rage and vengeance and other terrible reasons… by your way of seeing things, seems like that makes humans beneath animals.

Leave a reply to catchcappy2 Cancel reply