TOWARD NOT EATING ANIMALS

2pigs

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2pigs.jpg
By Titanium22

I got sober from drugs and alcohol in 2000. In the process of recovering I realized that from then on spirituality was going to be an important focus of my life—that it had to be, since the connection to a Higher Power was necessary to keep me sober and alive.

I didn’t realize that recovery would connect me to myself as well, to what was really inside me.

During the early part of my recovery I realized that spirituality could be an open field to play on. I grew up around Catholicism and I didn’t feel like it was that way at all when I was young. I realized that my Higher Power could be one of my own understanding—that I had a lot of room to explore.

So I started exploring. One day I was reading a passage written by a Buddhist monk that was addressed to people of the West. I came across this section where he wrote (I’m paraphrasing):

Can you be a spiritual person if you are participating in the cruelty and suffering of animals by eating them?

This is the first time that it really sunk in that there was a possible connection between spirituality and not eating animals.

Months after I read this passage, I was talking with a friend of mine, and she mentioned that she had become a vegetarian. When I asked what had sparked her conversion, she said it was her cat. Her cat? Yes, she couldn’t look at her cat after eating a plate of meat. She felt guilty.

I thought about my own cats. Through my drinking years, my cats were probably my one shred of connection with anything remotely spiritual. I adopted my cats Bandit and Hooper in 1995.

Bandit on the left, Hooper on the right.

Bandit on the left, Hooper on the right.

Girlfriends came and went, guy friends came and went, cars came and went crashing, my job came… and almost went three times, because I showed up to work drunk or didn’t bother showing up at all.

The one constant was the drinking. And the cats.

No matter how drunk I got I still fed them. No matter how depressed, I played with them. No matter how many times I was hungover and late for work, I was early (and sober) for vet appointments. No matter how many times Bandit had to meow at me to turn that thumping AC/DC off—which I would blast at two in the morning—he seemed to forgive me. My neighbors sure didn’t.

No matter how self-loathing, self-destructive, self-pitying I was… they crawled into my lap, purred, and loved me.

I realized they were not just pets. They were family. And they had carried me through. What love I had to give was given to them. What love I could receive was through them.

What spirituality I had was given to me was through taking care of them.

When I awakened from the nightmare of drugs and alcohol, although it wasn’t in my consciousness, I think deep down I was aware of this bond that had been formed.

What these two little animals had done for me.

As I recovered, grasping for my own image of what a spiritual life would look like, I realized that my empathy for all animals (and humans, for that matter) was deepening. That caring for animals was going to be one of the core principles in this spiritual life I was trying to live now.

I was told that in order to recover from drugs and alcohol I had to have a complete psychic change.

I think this was starting to qualify as one. I think I wanted to become a vegetarian.

But was it even possible to not eat meat? That was the thing. I wasn’t sure. Which, in retrospect, was silly—alcohol was the biggest obsession of my life for almost 20 years and I wasn’t drinking anymore.

For the first time, I thought about what I was eating. I thought about if I even really liked the taste of meat. This is not a silly question. Looking back, I hated the taste of alcohol—all of it, from cheap beer to hundred-dollar-a-bottle whiskey, from my first drink to my last. That’s the truth. People talk about how refreshing beer is or wax poetic about wine—I don’t get it. I drank to get drunk, to wreck myself, and booze was always hard to get down.

Was it the same for meat? I liked a good burger from time to time. I liked pepperoni on pizzas. But did thinking about this stuff make my mouth water? No. The inherent flavor of meat—the taste of the flesh itself—was that something I enjoyed? I didn’t think so. If I ate a steak I wouldn’t enjoy it unless it was doused with spices, external flavorings.

Raw meat absolutely repulsed me. I had a hard time buying it at the grocery store.

I was starting to think it was possible to quit meat—to realize that the flesh itself wasn’t really something I needed or even wanted.

I joined PETA but wasn’t interested in watching any of the graphic videos they sent me. That stuff was too extreme. On the other hand, I was interested in the founder of PETA, Ingrid Newkirk. She was obviously a person who cared deeply about animals, a kindred spirit, and I was interested in what made her decide to do what she was doing. HBO broadcast a documentary on her life and her work called I Am an Animal and I decided I’d try to watch it. I figured I could fast forward through any of the “rough” parts.

One of the images I recall was video of an adult cow in a slaughterhouse. I realized I had never seen what the inside of a slaughterhouse looked like. The cow was terrified as it was shoved out of a door onto the floor of what looked like a warehouse.

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Calf_with_eartag.jpg By Dave Young from Taranaki, New Zealand

From Wikipedia Commons. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Calf_with_eartag.jpg
By Dave Young from Taranaki, New Zealand

I held my breath. I didn’t fast forward. I couldn’t look away.

The cow was wounded, flailing. It was trying to get to its feet but it couldn’t because the floor was a lake of blood. I could see it screaming.

I saw a monkey held down in a lab. I couldn’t tell what were the monkey’s limbs and what were restraints or electrodes. Its whole body looked stretched out and pinned. The monkey screamed as it was prodded with something.

The other scene I recall was on a mink farm. The face of a tiny, ferret-looking mink was in close-up in the foreground as a man’s boot came into frame. This man stepped on the mink’s skull first with one boot, then brought up the other one. The rodent struggled, the bones of its skull crunching under the man’s boots, blood gushing out of the mink’s nose. The film then cut to a different mink being skinned alive—I could clearly see the animal’s mouth opening to scream with each stab of the knife.

As I watched this… out of me came this sound. It was a howl that shook the room. My cats fled in terror and I could only imagine what my neighbors thought. Nothing that’s come out of my lungs has ever been that loud, lasted that long, or come from so deep a place. Then I burst into tears.

The next day I was a vegetarian. Over time I have become a vegan. I have never looked back, and could not live any other way.

I know now that this was a profound spiritual experience. The only comparable experience I have ever had is my moment of clarity about my alcoholism—a sort of “burning bush” that some, but not all, alcoholics experience. My burning bush was a voice in my head: If you keep drinking, things will get worse.

A simple truth perhaps. One that the whole universe was aware of—I was the last person to find out. But for me it was a thunderclap of wisdom. This was a thing that I knew to the core of my being—it wasn’t just a fact, it was a part of me.

There’s knowing in your head and there’s knowing in your soul. This was knowing in the soul, and this is the same place as my howl for the animals came from. The deepest place there is.

In both of those moments I knew I had to change. That I must.

In both of those moments, I discovered connection again. To a Higher Power, to myself.

And to animals.

329 thoughts on “TOWARD NOT EATING ANIMALS

  1. Powerful post. I wish more people could feel it. Sometimes it really does take some serious life changes. I know it did for me as well. I’ve been vegan for six months and I’m never eating animals again.

  2. Thank you for sharing such a very personal experience.
    People become Vegans through all kind of different eye and soul opening encounters & realizations. Once you choose not to ignore or support the all surrounding suffering of animals anymore, it becomes very easy and liberating to be vegan, I found. I was a vegetarian since I was 18 years old but i never gave much thought about dairy and wearing leather until I watched
    ‘Earthlings’ – everything changed after that.

  3. Thank you for sharing this. It’s an honor to be a follower to you, because you are such a real and strong person.
    Your journey to the person you are today is strong and amazing. It’s, brave to let go and develop and discover more of your true self.
    When it comes to me, that part scares me. In my struggle with panic and low selfesteem after trying to please others since I was 2 years old. I try to regain my pride,inner joy- things that is your birthright….t’s hard and scary. . I recently at the age of 49 understood that I never protected myself enough, I protected others. Now say to myself in the mirror” you are actually really nice”. And this process is scaring because I have to redefine fundamental things as “what is a good relationship/friendship”and do I have that?. Do I want to work with what I do? Or have my behaviour been a theatre for not being left alone?
    Thank you Michael for your post.
    All the best to you.

    • Thank you so much. You say the kindest things. I think you are very brave yourself, and I can only imagine how difficult it is to deal with what you deal with on a daily basis. But you seem to approach everything with courage and a willingness to try things in a new way–and I think that’s what it takes to get to the other side of anything.

  4. Awesome post! I love how you described your relationship with your cats. People don’t like to think of having relationships with animals; they prefer to just refer to them as possessions. But realistically they are very deeply connected little beings. My cat always knows when I’m upset. She knows when I’m sad. But I find that the most amazing trait about animals is their ability to forgive, quickly and completely. I could never go back to eating them.

    • Thank you, Hannah. For sure cats are deeply connected. And yes, their ability to forgive–I made SO many mistakes with my first cat Bandit, and our bond was so tight that for all practical purposes we were brothers. Not exaggerating, either.

  5. I’ve howled for the animals too. Sometimes I just can’t contain my sorrow and only the loudest sobs will do. Your description of those suffering animals reminds me of why so many people have yet to become vegan – even the ‘spiritual’ types. People are naturally very afraid of facing such things. It takes courage to bear witness to what happens to animals and then even further courage to actually change as a response. Thank-you for demonstrating such courage Michael.

  6. Reblogged this on Funk Soul Mama and commented:
    This post speaks to my soul and resonates with me; no matter how often I forgot to take care of myself in the past, I always made sure my cats were fed. I try to explain this spiritual vegetarianism to my other half, but he doesn’t get it. Yet. I have faith he will. Just as I’ve slipped and eaten meat from time to time, we all have imperfections. But the call to abstain from meat eating and contributing to the cruel meat industry rings loudly in my soul. Next is dairy. I can do without milk but I have a hard time leaving cheese. If I find a local organic provider with loved and well cared for animals, I can continue filling that desire. Otherwise, I’ll gradually eliminate it from my diet. While pregnant, I’ve pretty much eaten any and everything; first trimester was so sickly, I decided baby needs everything right now.

    • Thank you for your comment and for reblogging. And I agree with your philosophy: it’s progress, not perfection that is my own personal goal. Personally, if I eat too much dairy now it makes me ill.

      • I’ve not tolerated milk for many years; used to drink soy but stay away from it now, what with all the GM tampering. We do what we can with what we have (I’m sure Doctor Phil said that, ack!)

          • No, but you’ve reminded me it’s been recommended to me in the past. I used to drink rice milk many moons ago. It’s hard to track down a wide variety of organic and vegetarian products on this island in the Med where the locals poo-poo vegetarians, but it’s slowly getting there and more veggie/vegan restaurants and stores are slowly popping up here and there 🙂

  7. I call that an epiphany and you’re lucky to have one. When such things enter one’s life, you need to go with it.
    Personally I’ve always been aware of the cruelty in slaughterhouses. That’s the market’s demand, y’know.
    To me it’s important that what I eat is grassfed, organic and REAL – there’s a lot of “meat” out there that’s actually only 20% meat. Disgusting.
    Or eating wild game, that’s really great.
    I think you can definitely be a spiritual person while eating meat. Why not? It all depends on your outlook. If you were starving in a desert would it be more spiritual not to eat the animal. I don’t think so. Look at the native americans – they had huge respect for nature but they ate meat.
    Nonetheless, I think you’re a very courageous person. I’m a sometimes vegan myself (like 5/7 days a week) but only for health reasons.

    • I certainly agree with what you say, particularly your perspective through Native American spiritualism. Absolutely. Native Americans had great respect, even love, for the animals they killed for food. If this was the way things were it would be harder for me to give up meat. The meat industry now on the whole has nothing to do with that, however. And unfortunately 99% of the meat people eat comes out of this very non-spiritual means, where animals suffer terribly. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

      • I heard a man who works with informing kids about animals tell of a kid that asked “cacao milk comes from the brown cow, right?”
        *Headdesk*
        People need education.
        The big issue that I think we should discuss is HOW do we ensure that the meat is QUALITY meat and has been grassfed? :/ Because even meat eating consumers who want to buy the right products have a hard time finding them.

        • Yes… well the high demand for it kind of dictates that the animals be shuffled through the assembly line as fast as possible, with no regard for their welfare or for the ‘quality’ of the meat.

  8. This is really beautiful. It can be ridiculous as to how people react to you when you tell them you’ve decided against eating meat. I’m a vegetarian myself, and aspire to have the strength one day to go full vegan, and people just generally do not want to give you the support to do it. But aside form the morality and as you worded it, spiritually of not eating meat, there are a great many health benefits from it as well.
    I’m glad you have found the strength to get yourself where you need to be in your life, and I hope that your inner strength continues through your journey

    • Yes, there are a lot of reasons–a lot of JUST health reasons–to become a vegetarian/vegan. In earlier drafts of this post I wrote some of this, but I realized it was too much–it could be its own or even many more blog posts. And you’re right, it can really feel like you’re out swimming alone when you make this choice. Luckily I live in a city where there’s a lot of vegetarians and vegans, and definitely some people who are open-minded and respect my choice. In any case, the most important thing is to follow what is in your heart, no matter what others think. Congratulations on becoming a vegetarian and thanks so much for reading and commenting. 🙂

    • Thank you. And I like your blog. I didn’t even know it was possible to be a vegetarian foodie until about a year ago… so I appreciate sites like yours. It makes me more glad than ever about becoming one.

      • Thank you Michael for your nice comment. I think vegetarian and foodie are synonymous, it means we care about what we eat and what we put in our bodies. I am just getting started with my blog and look forward to sharing my travel stories soon too. Thank you for sharing your stories from Thailand, they made me want to get on a plane again and explore this world of ours some more.

        • It’s kind of interesting because for me the “foodie” part was an evolution too. When I made this decision I thought I was doomed to a life of bland food. I was thrilled to find out it’s the exact opposite–but it’s important to remember that a lot of meat-eaters share this same bias, and so are resistant to even consider changing. To this day many meat eater friends are skeptical that I eat gourmet food without meat. Anyway… I’m glad I inspired you, the trip to Thailand was just amazing. Thanks for your comments.

  9. This is so true. I decided to have periods of times when I am a complete vegan because i wanted to have a greater connection with a Higher Power. Putting myself aside from ll the things I had depended on for daily survival gave me an in-depth feeling that i could survive anything. I am considering becoming a white meat only vegan for life. I loved reading this.Bless

  10. All credit to you for overcoming your issues. However, I feel this post centers on the treatment of animals by us (yes, us, as in our fellow *man*) and not so much going veggie. Avoiding eating meat won’t stop the horrendous cruelty shown to animals. Its *Man* that should be shunned, not eating animals.

    • Well… if we stopped eating meat, the factory farms would grind to a halt and thus the suffering of the animals would stop, would it not? I’m not interested in shunning anyone, and just speaking for myself in any case. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  11. I liked especially the part about your feeling the impact of your cats caring for you and of your care for your cats. That sort of mutual caring/cooperation/love with out pets, our children and family, even among colleagues and others when mutuality and unity have a chance to bloom, is to me a spiritual connection that goes to the core of our being alive. Your “caring” for the animals that you have stopped eating is also part of this. I think, though, that people who have decided to stop eating animals are actually concerned more specifically with those animals that suffer, that consciously experience pain. Many animals don’t: insects, worms, and many fish. And obviously plants are living things that also don’t experience pain–at least, not in any form we are aware of. So maybe the main point is the matter of suffering, to reduce the amount of it in the world, more than it is to declare the category of all animals as scared.

    Brock Haussamen

  12. My own experience tells me that it goes beyond the suffering–that animals have their own lives. But a start would surely be to reduce the suffering. And almost all species of fish feel pain, that I am aware of. I can’t speak to insects or worms, but when I saw that earthworm writhing on my fish hook years ago as a boy, I can probably guess that it was feeling some sort of pain, however differently it seems to be experiencing it than say a human or other animal.

    • Good points. I agree that “animals have their own lives.” But drawing the lines is not easy if we look broadly. We may be vegans but nonetheless spray insects, support pro-choice, and weed gardens. I don’t mean to minimize your valuable and moral choice; I just think the subject is a very big one.

  13. Reblogged this on Branching Into Life and commented:
    I have been contemplating going vegetarian and then moving up to vegan. I have done the no meat eating for about a month and really noticed a positive change in my health and mentality. This post was very moving and informational.

  14. This is such a heart wrenching post. I am lucky to have come across it. Very well written Michael. Putting your own personal ordeal into words to influence others positively, hoping they will understand is great. A few years back I saw this documentary called Meet your Meat by PETA and it horrified they day lights out of me.. I am going to watch I am an Animal whenever I get the time.
    Once again, great job on this post.

  15. I want to quit, but my culture has a lot of meat in it – i really want to quit. Is it possible to enjoy the taste of something like soy over time? Or nuts? Because I hate them .

    • It’s definitely possible, in my opinion, to find foods that you will like. For example, I’m not big on tofu and in the early going I thought this meant that I was doomed, because I thought tofu was about the only non-meat there is… there are great blogs and sites out there that can show you how great vegetarian food can be, and how much of a variety there actually is. One off the top of my head that I follow is Honk if You’re Vegan: http://honkifyourevegan.com/. Hope this helps and thanks for reading 🙂

  16. When vegans share their stories about how they reached that way of being, it is a great education for others who may question themselves and their own abilities to make such a change. It can really be helpful to see another person’s process. If I may, I’d like to recommend a wonderful book: Eat Like You Care by Gary Francione and Anna Charlton. You and many of your readers may also find strength and guidance for the vegan way of being – and more importantly, encouragement for nonviolent advocacy and education – through Professor Francione’s web site The Abolitionist’s Approach.

    Your post was certainly worthy of being Freshly Pressed. So glad it will receive the broad exposure. I’m glad to know you found some peace and health.

  17. What a beautiful post. For the previous 3 years I ate chicken and fish but not any other sorts of meat. From this very moment on, I never want to eat animals again. Thank you for sharing this.

  18. Lovely post! I was vegetarian myself for a while and I’m seriously considering it again. I understand not liking the taste of meat. It’s interesting, thinking about it, I’m not sure if i like the actual meat-taste or the condiments/flavours that I add to it. Nice post, well done!

  19. I married a second generation veg. Our kids are third generation. And are granddaughter fourth generation. They all felt eating animals was just wrong. I ate meat but now I just eat some fish. I am glad you figured out some of life. Good for you.

  20. We also have four cats. Originally ten but they grew to old age and went to cat heaven where the purrs are soft, they are petted often and they chase, prance and play all day when they are not sleeping.

  21. Heartfelt. Well-said. I remember when I quit eating meat. I watched and couldn’t turn away. It was as if I needed to know … really know. I have two dogs. In another country they would be dinner. How is it different here with cows, pigs and lamb? Thanks for writing this.

  22. ahhhh! just what i was thinking about today…..
    Love this! how I wish I had that same self discipline to cut all meat and animal tested products from my life…. it’s so hard 😦
    But slowly…. THANKS for SHARING!

  23. Thanks a lot for sharing such a beautiful and well-written post! It is very inspiring to see meat-free communities grow. It is maybe one way to reduce the demands of killing animals for the sake of human survivals or eating pleasures. I am a meat-free person for a spiritual reason. It just happened for only a year and 2 months. I still continue to keep myself free from eating my animal friends this year. By the way, I love the way you described your spiritual connections with your cats ! I have maybe similar loving connection with street dogs signaling them ——- ” don’t bite me, I am a full time vegetarian ! “

  24. Good read. I am a great believer of healthy living. Keep it up!

    Sharing a quote from one of my favorite great, divinely-inspired writers:

    [Restoration of the Whole Man to God’s Image ] –“The great object of life should be to restore to God soul, body, and spirit. If the moral image of God is restored in the poor, degraded sot, it will not be by continuing to give him liquor. In every city the Lord would have a place where sin-sick souls may find courage and sustaining help to overcome all unnatural appetites and sinful indulgences–tobacco using, tea and liquor drinking. All flesh meat is to be discarded. Educational meetings should be held where young men may be instructed how to develop a perfect manhood. Then they can become teachers of good things.” – EGW, Counsels on Diet and Foods

  25. My husband and I were just talking today about how next month it will be 4 years since I began eating vegetarian. He was commenting on how it amazes him there’s never been a moment where I wavered or felt a “craving” so strong I wanted to eat meat again (just this one time). It’s amazing because it is truly one of the only decisions in my life where I just made up my mind and – boom – that was it. Life had changed. I very much appreciate reading how you made up your mind. Also – I commend you on your sobriety. One day at a time. I had someone once tell me addiction ends in three ways – sobriety, prison, or death. There are no other endings and that stuck with me to this day.

    • Thank you so much for reading and for the comment, Rachel. It sounds like something important clicked in place for you like it did with me. And yes, the outcomes for alcoholism are those things–or the one other outcome is insanity.

  26. Very well written. I enjoyed reading it. If you haven’t already watched it, may I suggest watching the video “Can’t Improve On God” by Dr. Lorraine Day. It’s inspired by her fight with cancer. Even though I’ve never had cancer (my mother did) it really laid out how food, meat especially, can influence our body’s health.

    I was a vegetarian for about two years. I can’t even tell you what made me ‘fall off the wagon’. I am seriously considering going back to it. I don’t have some ah-ha moment about animals or spirituality, but my poor health causes me to rethink what I am putting into it.

  27. I suppose “I enjoyed reading it” is a little more than insensitive to the matter. I didn’t enjoy reading about the animals and the way they died just for our plates or fashion. I think the more appropriate word would be “I appreciated reading this and thank you for writing it so uncensored and raw”……. sometimes what I say in my head doesn’t always come out the same way in words.

    • I understood what you meant, your clarification wasn’t necessary, but I appreciate it. In a comment way above talked a little about how the health issues are another huge reason for going vegetarian/vegan, but for me personally that wasn’t the #1. I went into that a bit in a rough draft of this post but I realized it could be its own blog post. But yes, it’s very important and a very good reason to do it. The steroids alone that they’re pumping into these animals to make them grow like Frankensteins should be reason enough–and for others, it certainly is. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. 🙂

  28. First of all, thank you for being so open about your life with alcoholism…no easy journey to recovery, warm embrace for that. My father was an alcoholic and I can state I learned so much from him and through him. I often wonder if his experience was a lesson meant for him – or for those of us around him. One never knows with certainty. Second, you gave a whole new perspective with regard to eating animals. You made it very emotional – that’s a strong connection to make with a reader. This piece in its entirety is extremely well done. Belinda

    • Thank you so much, Belinda. And I will say that I don’t regret any part of my journey at this point–even the worst parts of the alcoholism. It sounds like your father recovered as well, it is definitely the ultimate in ‘teachable’ experiences. Your compliments about my writing are much appreciated :).

  29. Pingback: TOWARD NOT EATING ANIMALS | Cane Jason

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